Kristy's Intelligence
by Dylan S. Thompson
Summary: Just a short, fluffy future-fic in the form of an article/blog by an Ausiello-type entertainment writer. Focuses mainly on Landry and Tyra, but touches on the fates of a couple of other characters.


Author's Note: This story is just pure fluff and sweetness. Just sickly sweet cotton candy covered in powdered sugar, honey, syrup, more sugar, etc. It's probably the fluffiest thing I've ever written. But I just had to express all the joy the 2+ seasons of Tyra/Landry gave me, as well as console myself because of the lack of them in Season 4. While this story is mostly just for fun, I did try to add a little depth in one area: Kristy, despite being a big fan, presumably a friend of Landry's, and being more in the know than most others, gets some details wrong and does not understand the tone of the events. It's a nod to the idea that a person who is not there can never really understand an event or series of events.

Kristy's Intelligence - 07/17/2016

Salutations, All!

If you know me at all, you know I'm out of my mind for Landry Clarke. I think he is one of the most talented musicians around, and he has a voice to die for! But that's nothing remarkable- there are a dozen musicians about whom I could make the same claim. But I have a special place in my heart for Landry, because we've sort of come up together. My first entertainment story for my old Austin paper happened to be for his first gig not in his hometown. I was instantly taken by his lyricism, his voice, and his charisma. I have the honor of being writer of the first review he, Devin, and Jimmie ever received, and I've always been unabashed in my support and appreciation of their abilities. That first review was way back in 2010. Since then I've moved to Hollywood and have become one of the premier entertainment writers in the nation, and **Crux** has become one of the most celebrated Indie/Experimental bands of the decade. Last week's interview marked the tenth time Landry has been gracious enough to sit down with me for awhile, and next week marks Landry's 25th birthday! To celebrate both occasions, I've put together a list about Landry that's sure to embarrass him and please all us fan(girls)! Landry is much more than just a hottie in a band. It's almost unfair to those of us of the female persuasion, but being in a band is just part of the hotness that is Landry Clarke. Here are ten things about Landry Clarke that you almost certainly did not know (unless you're basically a paid stalker, like me!):

10. He's also an athlete! From his sophomore to his senior year, besides putting his band together, Landry played for one of the top high school teams in Texas. He played in the State Championship game when he was a junior, and was one of the star players on his senior team. In fact, he played a year with Brian "Smash" Williams, phenomenal running back of the Dallas Cowboys.

9. His best friend since childhood is Matthew Saracen. You've heard this name in one of a few ways. Either you're a Texas Highschool Football nut, and you know he was a star quarterback who led his team to two State Championship games in three years, winning one of them (and almost winning the second single handed, doing double duty as wide receiver and QB - sometimes during the same play!). Or you're a graphic novel fan, and recognize the name as a rising artist in the comic book world. Or you're a devotee of the New York City art scene, and have seen his performance art or sculptures. Or you're a reader of this column, and remember that I've done a couple of spotlight features on him! LOL!

8. He started his current band as a freshman in high school. It was originally named **Crucifictorious**. If you think that sounds ridiculous, check this: he wanted to name it **Stigmatalingus**, but was (thankfully) voted down. In the original lineup of this original band was Kurt Kastor, bassist and founder of the progressive metal band **Cthulu**.

7. Crucifictorious was originally formed as "Christian Speed Metal", which then evolved into "Extreme Grindcore with heavy Thrash influences". It wasn't until Devin Corrigan joined the band that it began to morph into what we know and love today.

6. Speaking of Devin! When she joined the band, after Kastor's departure, Landry believed that there was a connection between he and Devin, and he made a move. The one kiss they shared cemented Devin's belief that she was a lesbian...something she had to tell Landry the following day. Yikes! Landry took the news like a champ, though, and they've been partners-in-crime for nearly a decade.

5. Landry was voted "Most Likely to Be a Stand Up Comedian" in his senior year. That's right, ladies! He sings, he plays guitar, he was a football player, and he can make you laugh.

4. I've had the distinct pleasure to interview high-profile activist Tyra Collette a couple of times, most recently upon the release of her memoir Generous and Bighearted People. If you read that book, you might know a couple of things about Landry Clarke that surprised even me! It turns out that beautiful, sexy, smart, accomplished Tyra Collette was once on the verge of dropping out of high school, but a string of people began believing in her and she turned things around. Landry Clarke was chief among these "generous and bighearted people". He tutored her all through high school, and was instrumental in Tyra being accepted into the University of Texas. As Tyra herself puts it, _"Landry, more than anyone, was fundamental in turning my life around. Tami Taylor gave me inspiration and hope, but Landry was with me every step of the way, in the trenches, making sure I knew about square roots and proper grammar and to not use working at Applebee's as a metaphor for life. He remains one of the the best people I've ever met, and in my business I've met many magnificent people. He made sure I believed in myself. There's nothing more simple, or more difficult, that you can do for another human being."_

3. It turns out, though, that Landry was an inspiration to Tyra in other ways! Landry, never one to do anything easy, began pursuing Tyra while he was still a freshman. Nobody, including his best friend and the object of his affection, believed he had a chance in hell. But a friendship soon developed, and by the beginning of his sophomore year Tyra and Landry had begun a tumultuous, on again-off again romance that many say is still technically in progress.

2. If you've gotten the impression that Landry is a little bit intelligent, then you'd be a little bit right! He was valedictorian of his class, graduating with an astounding 4.2 GPA. I didn't even know that was possible! He was accepted into MIT, Stanford, Cal Tech, Harvard, Yale...practically everywhere. He graduated in three years with a double major of Mathematics and Physics, and got a masters degree the next year. He's currently working on his Doctorate. Keep in mind that he did this at the same time he was becoming an indie rock god. Are you seeing, ladies, why I find his existence just little bit unfair? LOL!

1. The rest of this list consisted of mostly lighthearted fluff, but this last one is straight up hardcore: Landry Clarke once killed a man. Before you go getting nervous, listen to Tyra: _"The man who had attacked me the previous Fall had taken to stalking me. One night Landry and I were hanging out, and we separated for a minute. The man took the opportunity to attack me again. Unlike last time, I could not get ahold of anything to fight him off. I was terrified...I was sure that I was going to be raped and killed. Then Landry arrived. He tackled the man, and they fought, and the man ended up dead."_ That's right, everyone. Sweet, intelligent, sensitive Landry Clarke will turn into a badass if you mess with his woman! Hopefully he'll never again have to go quite that far, but I personally would find the knowledge quite comforting if I were dating him. But, if his badass turn weren't enough, he managed to one-up himself and remain a moral, good person. _"We were stupid kids, I was especially stupid, and convinced him that we should hide the body. It was eventually found, but there was nothing to tie us to the murder. Still, Landry could not live with the lie, and he ended up doing the right thing. He turned himself in, confessed to what happened. Of course, he was defending himself and myself, and so was never charged with anything. Those few weeks remain among the most trying of my entire life, but they also are among the most important. For awhile, it was as if Landry and I were the only two people in the universe. Our interactions with other people were all lies, and we could only truly exist with each other. It cemented perhaps the most beautiful bond in my life."_

Say it with me: AWWWWW! Now, for those keeping score: Landry Clarke is a former star athlete, a world class intellect, a singer, a songwriter, a guitarist, a famous leader of his own band, a knight in shining armor, a straight up badass, someone that can make you laugh, and a good and honest man. The line forms to the left, ladies (and any gentlemen who want to join in!)...behind me. :-D

Good Morrow, All!

-Kristy


End file.
